This week I have no classes because it’s Eid al-Adha - the festival where families buy sheep and then slit their throats. I have no idea the reason behind it, but it provided a nice opportunity for a trip to Aleppo, in the north of Syria, with a big group of friends.
We got the train up on Friday afternoon, after a night of dancing and four hour’s sleep the night before. Our first class tickets cost us 250 liras (about £3.35), and our carriage had tv screens and free juiceboxes for first class passengers, which was more than we were expecting. The journey lasted four and a half hours, which we mostly filled with singing, watching some seriously terrible Syrian comedy, and playing ‘I went for a jolly across the Israeli border’ - basically a version of ‘My granny went to market’ but with more swearing. We hadn’t booked anywhere to stay because Nizar, the Palestinian friend we were travelling with, insisted that the hotels would be empty for Eid, so when we arrived in Aleppo at 9.00pm he went to buy cigarettes and ask the shopkeeper if he knew any good hotels.
After five minutes he came back to tell us that the shopkeeper’s friend owned a flat in the centre of town which we could rent for 2500 lira a night, making it less than 350 lira a night between eight of us. Unfortunately, he only wanted four people to stay, so we began a complicated game of charades involving the selection of four of us at random, the handing over of four passports to a complete stranger (standard requirement to rent a room, flat or hotel here), and the creation of a complicated backstory along the lines of “I’m Palestinian, staying here with my Finnish wife Jess, and our married friends Rob and Mary; our other friends are leaving their bags in the flat while they go to find a hotel”. While I’m not convinced the landlord believed it, he didn’t make any problems for us, and the flat was pretty perfect - enough room for a bed between each pair of people, a kitchen, a balcony and cable tv.
We stayed in Aleppo for three nights, and to be honest didn’t really do much. We went to the famous souq, which turned out to be closed. We walked around the famous citadel about a hundred times, but never really got round to going inside. We ate in lots of restaurants, took a lot of photos, and laughed harder than I’ve ever laughed before. We visited the Ummayad mosque, the sister mosque of the Ummayad in Damascus, which was incredibly beautiful, but unfortunately the guards by the door were horrible. Seeing Nizar with a bunch of white people (some of whom were wearing Palestinian scarves) they hauled him aside to ask if he was an illegal tour guide. He explained politely that no, we’re all friends and we’re on holiday here; they insisted on seeing some ID. Of course he’d given his card to the landlord of the flat, which he told the guards, at which point they told him that they were going to have him arrested - Syrian citizens are legally required to have ID on them at all times, and people are far more likely to take that law seriously when they hear a Palestinian accent. In the end he talked his way out of it, but it still put a bit of a damper on the day.
The last day was by far the most eventful. We left the flat at 1 and caught a cab to the station, intending to take the 4pm train. When we arrived, we found that the train was fully booked and the next available train was at midnight. Booking tickets for that for a grand total of 75 liras apiece (one entire pound!) we decamped to the park with all our luggage. Aleppo is a much greener city than Damascus, and park was really beautiful, so we sat there until the sun set and then went for coffee and shisha. The cafe we chose was opposite a funfair and after intense pleading by me and Marta, we decided to cross the street and go on some rides. We were having a really good time until, as we were getting off a ride, someone decided it would be funny to kick Marta in the back. It wasn’t a hard kick, but Nizar swung round and shouted at the guy who kicked her, who then hit him, so Nizar hit him back… Suffice to say, Nizar and said man were hauled up by the police, but the police sided with the Syrian over the Palestinian and gave Nizar a thorough ticking off while mocking his accent and saying things like ‘We can have you thrown out of the country’.
The evening only got more eventful from there; we decided to head to the restaurant across from the station and have something light to eat and a glass or two of wine. Or in the case of Rob and Nizar, a bottle of araq (an aniseed spirit a bit like Ouzo). Alcohol is viewed weirdly in this country; 90% of the population is Muslim so they don’t drink, and view it on a par with crack cocaine. Nevertheless, a lot of restaurants sell alcohol, but on the other hand being drunk in public is a crime that you can be arrested for. In any case, Nizar is a slender guy and half a bottle of araq, it turns out, is more than he can handle. When he fell asleep on the table, the owner of the establishment politely informed us that we’d have to leave as someone had reserved the entire restaurant for a birthday party. Starting at 11pm…
So having been shamed in front of the entire clientele of the restaurant, we crossed the road to find the entire station swarming with soldiers returning to Damascus after their Eid break. Nizar sits down in the waiting room and promptly passes out with his head in Jess’s lap; everyone around does the standard Syrian thing of asking what’s wrong and giving completely unsolicited advice, while Rob and I make up a story, told in really bad Arabic, about how he hasn’t slept in a while because he’s had food poisoning. When the train arrives we scoop him up and basically drag him to his seat, while studiously avoiding the gaze of any and all soldiers, and eventually succeed in propping him up against a window in a passable imitation of consciousness.
The first half of the train journey passes without incident, until about 3am when Nizar wakes up and asks me where his cigarettes are. I locate them, and a lighter, and he wobbles off to the end of the carriage for a fag. I’m just falling asleep when he returns, white as a sheet and clammy. “I’m going to be sick…” he says, but refuses to let me help him to the bathroom. “I can’t… I’m tired…”, and then he vomits copiously all over the floor. Immediately the whole carriage springs into action - the devout women behind us are tutting and handing tissues; the soldiers are laughing and jeering; Rob and Mary are already scooping vomit into plastic bags; a man grabs Nizar and takes him to the bathroom to clean up; everyone wants to know if he’s drunk, and I am rooted to the spot repeating “No, he ate some bad chicken. He just ate some bad chicken.”
A man from the next carriage appears with a can of cheap looking deodorant - would we like him to spray it? Rob nods, mute, his hands full of tissues and sick. As the smell of the spray fills the carriage Rob chokes into life and shouts “Jesus Christ, what the f-ck is that?!” It smells like Lynx, but much worse and much stronger. The man smiles proudly, proffering the can; “It’s Malazia!”. With a brotherly pat on the shoulder, Rob reassures him that all the girls will love it. Satisfied, he heads back to his seat, while we frantically grapple with the windows to get rid of the smell of araq, vomit and teenage boy.
Thankfully, Nizar slept the rest of the way to Damascus, and there didn’t seem to be too many hard feelings from our fellow passengers. I barely slept at all, but did manage to see the sun rise above the desert. As we pulled into Qaddam station, I shook everyone awake and gave the soldiers singing ‘Nizar drank all the araq! Nizar drank all the araq!’ a wave before we fell onto the platform, cold, exhausted and grateful that we’d managed to get our favourite Palestinian home without being arrested once.